


Give Yourself Over To Absolute Pleasure

by lilnctzen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Historical, Arranged Marriage, F/M, I suck at smut, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Power Dynamics, Time Skips, Unrequited Love, but i might try, emperor!johnny, eunuch!taeyong, i tried but it's just hard, idk yet, not historically accurate, probably no smut, there might be some homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21627421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilnctzen/pseuds/lilnctzen
Summary: Youngho and Taeyong are in love, they have been for years, but they can only love each other in Taeyong’s secluded chambers.Or…A historical AU in which Taeyong is a eunuch and Youngho the Emperor of Korea. They have feelings for each other which they can’t act upon in public, especially, since Youngho has to fulfill his duties.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Original Female Character(s), Lee Taeyong & Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Suh Youngho | Johnny/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 29





	1. It's beyond me

**Author's Note:**

> The titles of both the chapter and story are from the song Rose tint my world, from the Rocky Horror Show (masterpiece)
> 
> This is actually from a daydream that I had (I'm a Pisces get over it), so... there is a lot I don't know yet but we will see how the story develops.
> 
> Have fun!

“I have to tell you something.” whispers Youngho into Taeyong’s ear while caressing his soft cheekbones with the tips of his fingers. Lying together on Taeyong’s bed, wrapped in Taeyong’s covers, surrounded by Taeyong’s smell; everything feels so intimate, so secretive as if they had to keep their voices down, even after the long night of loud moans and screams. Taeyong could never reach his climax (a consequence of a choice he made in his teens), he was always left unsatisfied, he didn’t care though: he still let Youngho have his way with him, he still let Youngho think it was pleasurable for him by faking moans. It wasn’t really faking, just the thought of his lover’s satisfaction made him all warm and happy inside. Everything felt so peaceful, they could clearly hear each other’s soft breaths, they could feel each other’s heartbeats: the regular reminder of their love. 

“What is it?” says Taeyong a little hesitant. Now suddenly nervous, he could feel Youngho’s reluctance. He’s ruined the mood. Now suddenly he’s reminded of their respective statuses, he’s hit with the reality of his life. Suddenly, he feels anxious and blue. 

“My betrothed… she’s...turned 16, we’re getting married. She’ll be moving here soon and after that, it will only take a few months for the wedding to take place.” Youngho has stopped caressing him and his breathing has become louder, his heartbeat faster. Taeyong knew this day would come, as soon as she was born she had been brought to the palace for Youngho to meet her. They were both 20 years old, she was 4 months old. Taeyong stood up, keeping a calm facade as only he knew how. “You need to go, it’s getting late.” He started dressing himself up. 

“I...I’m sorry...I’m...You’ll be her eunuch.” Youngho whispered coming closer to Taeyong, wanting to hold him once again. “As you wish, Your Highness.” said Taeyong as he rushed past his arms and out the room, ready to start the day as if the Youngho he had gotten to know as his lover was not the Youngho that is the crown prince. He’s gotten used to ignoring everything involving his feelings for the prince when they were in public. He was amazing at it, at most he’d treat him like a friend, most people thought they were friends anyway. But once they were in his strangely hidden chambers, they could forget about everything, they could be their true selves without breaking society’s rules. It was truly annoying after nothing but smiles and genuine love for an entire 8 hours, he’d have to go back to practiced responses and fake smiles. He’s used to it. It’s been happening since they were 17. How scared they were! He was even more scared than when his penis and testicles had been cut off, at 14, right after he’d started puberty. 

Now it had been 19 years of the same thing over and over, every night. He’s not tired at all. He wanted it and he still wants it, Youngho is his soulmate and he’s Youngho’s. If people knew, they wouldn’t deny it: they couldn’t. Now it all felt too real, though. Now, this poor girl will be coming into their lives, maybe hoping to have a place in Youngho’s heart, perhaps only to become queen consort. She’s been raised to be a queen, after all, she’s been engaged her whole life to the Crown Prince of Korea. And now he has to care for her. Now he has to be her mentor, her friend, her faithful servant. All the while she tries to steal Youngho from him. She can try. And try she will. But Youngho is Taeyong’s and Taeyong is Youngho’s. And that’s that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter sucks, sorry, I promise it gets better!


	2. Help me, mommy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong hides: that's what he's always done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided to name every chapter after a line in Rose tint my world, which fortunately is 5 minutes long and has a lot of lyrics. :-]
> 
> Also, welcome back, I'm glad you liked it enough to keep reading.  
> The first chapter was pretty bad, I feel like I made Taeyong kinda sassy and possessive and I wasn't going for that but we're going to work with it. Also, Johnny was like just mentioned we need to introduce his character better. 
> 
> I'm hoping to get better as a writer as the story progresses, let's pray that by the last chapter I'll be pretty good. Also, keep in mind English is not my first language so I've been struggling ngl. 
> 
> <3 :-]

Little 7-year-old Taeyong liked running. Every day, after his mother had gone to work at the Palace’s kitchen, he’d go out and run away. Very far. So far from every other servant, every other kid. He’d end up going deep into the woods until he found his hollow tree trunk. He’d play around it, sit in it, think in it, sometimes he’d fall asleep in it; it was always so calm in there: with no one telling him what to do. 

Little 7-year-old Taeyong was running. Today, his mother had gone to work and he’d run away, as usual. He found his tree and sat in it, to catch his breath. He grows scared because he can hear footsteps. Whoever it is, they’re running. “Maybe hunters.” Taeyong says quietly to himself as he curls into a ball and makes himself small inside the tree, so as to not be seen. He could hear the steps getting closer and closer until they stopped completely and all he could hear was someone else’s heavy breathing, he knew the person was really close but he had his eyes closed, he was scared and he certainly did not want to open them.

“Wake up!” the other person, which he could now identify as another child, yelled while shaking him, clearly trying to wake him up. Taeyong opened his eyes and pushed the kid away from him as he, simultaneously, stood up. Taeyong looked at the kid lying on the ground, he looked around his age. He quickly felt bad about pushing him, so he helped him up and smiled. “I’m sorry, you really scared me.” The other kid smiled and shook his head “No worries, sorry for scaring you. I was just walking around and I saw you running, I thought I’d follow you.” They both laughed and bowed to each other. “I’m Youngho and I’m a prince.” said the kid puffing out his chest with pride. “I’m Taeyong and I’m just a boy.” “Taeyong, it’s nice to meet you. I probably don’t have much time, my servants must already be looking for me. Do you want to be friends?” “Yes!” says Taeyong excitedly while jumping up and down, Youngho joins in immediately. “Let’s play a game!”

☆☆☆

12-year-old Taeyong couldn’t run anymore. His mother would wake him up very early to go to work with her. He’d do anything once at the palace. Sometimes he’d work in the kitchen or the stable, sometimes he’d just clean the palace all day. Sometimes he’d help prepare and serve for special occasions in which the royals had visitors. He was well-liked: always clean, good looking, respectful, polite. The best part about working there was getting to see his best friend. Youngho would try to get out of lessons and hide from his servants, sometimes he would even go as far as dressing up like a commoner just to hang out with Taeyong. They used to play a lot when they were younger, now they mostly talk. Youngho was very wise and praised all the time by his peers and teachers; he always learned so much from their conversations.

Taeyong sat down on the floor of the room. It was one of the many unoccupied rooms in the Palace and Youngho had told him to meet him there. He didn’t know what to think or do but he was nervous as he hadn’t looked very happy when he asked to meet him there. So Taeyong gets up and paces around the room, he thinks about running, but can’t: palace guards would probably think he’s stolen something and Youngho would get mad at him. He heard the door swing open and as soon as he turned to see who it was, it slammed shut and he heard running. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground with a heavy and giggling Youngho on top of him, Taeyong tries to wrestle him, tries to push him off, tries to dominate him. Compared to him, Youngho is much bigger, in every sense of the word. He gives up and just laughs, gasps for air while yelling at him to get off. Youngho just cuddles him, while crushing Taeyong. He hugs him back.

“You big baby.” Taeyong whines after a few minutes of silent cuddling. They’ve been cuddling a lot lately, Youngho has become very clingy over the years but he seems to only show that side of him to Taeyong. If only people knew, they would think it a weird sign of affection between friends. Taeyong has become aware of societal rules, he knows this isn’t allowed. But they’re Youngho and Taeyong, best friends forever. At least they can’t be seen.

Youngho had settled into Taeyong’s neck when Taeyong finally manages to push him off, he groaned when he hit the floor. Taeyong stands up and Youngho follows. “Ouch, aggressive much?” Youngho jokes. “Look who’s talking, Mr. I-weigh-300lbs-but-I’ll-still-tackle-my-friends-to-the-ground.” Taeyong laughs. Youngho doesn’t laugh, “I missed you.” he stares back at Taeyong, with an odd expression; he wanted to say something, possibly negative, Taeyong knew, but his gaze held so much admiration, it was overwhelming. “You remember that old guy that came to visit last month with his son?” Taeyong nods, Youngho walks closer to him. “Well...I’ll be marrying his first-born daughter when she turns 16.” Taeyong nods in understanding, Youngho awkwardly smiles at him. Taeyong doesn’t know what he wants him to say. “Oh, alright, when is that?” “She hasn’t been born yet. He has taken in another wife, hopefully, he’ll have a daughter soon.” “You want to be married?” “Yes, Father says I can become king once I’ve married and had children.” To be honest, he’s disappointed. “Is that so?” “Yes, Taeyong, are you not happy?” Taeyong nods, needless to say, he’s unhappy. Youngho knows so he holds his hands and looks at him with amusement. “Are you jealous?” He playfully smirks and Taeyong rolls his eyes. Youngho pulls him into a tight hug. “Don’t worry, Taeyong. I’ll always make time for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, hope y'all liked it. I was going to write more for the chapter but it's pretty long already so I'll just keep it going for chapter 3.
> 
> Tell me what y'all thought if y'all want.
> 
> ;-]


	3. His lust is so sincere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngho has a lot of love in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have been a bit busy so I wasn't able to write sooner, I've been thinking about the story a lot though. I've planned two endings, don't know which one I'm going to do, yet, depends on how the characters end up. 
> 
> Also, I finally decided to have Kun here, he's one of my biases btw, and I just had to include him. Song Yuqi from (G)I-DLE is here but I'm literally only using her name, the actual character's personality I will create and I'm not imagining her while writing. 
> 
> The story as I've been imagining is going to end up being longer than I initially thought. At first, I thought I'd write like 3 chapters, but I decided to make the chapters shorter which in turn makes the story appear longer. 
> 
> Enjoy, anyway!

Youngho quickly dresses up, his commoner clothes all dirty and wrinkled, it just adds to the act. He gets out of Taeyong’s room through the window which faces the vast woods. He doesn’t have much time: the sun is already rising and he can hear the roosters crowing and the chatter of the servants. He quickly runs as stealthily as he can, climbs in through the window of an unoccupied room, exits out of the room through its door and climbs the stairs conveniently in front of the room. He runs inside another unoccupied room which has a secret entrance that leads to his room. Finally, he gets there, takes his clothes off, except his underwear, and hides it. He quickly hops into bed and pretends to be asleep. Around 20 minutes later, his servants come in and wake him up. They take his clothes off, put him in a robe and guide him to the bathroom, where they bathe him, dress him up, and groom him. 

“Breakfast is ready, Your Highness.” says one of the servants, gesturing for him to move on to the dining area, he gives her a small smile and cheerfully leads the way there, with around 10 servants and guards following him. When he gets there, Taeyong is standing next to his seat on the table. Youngho requested years ago to eat with him every day, saying he liked catching up with his ‘best friend’ after hours of not talking. “Good morning, Your Highness.” Taeyong bows and offers a small smile, though fake, Youngho can see. He smiles back and gestures for him to take a seat, which Taeyong does right away. “Good morning to you too, Taeyong!” he says as he takes his seat and waits for the servants to put his food on the table. When they do, Taeyong reaches over and tries every item on Youngho’s plate, including the water. They wait 5 minutes, and when nothing happens, they start digging into the food. In exchange for “allowing him the privilege of having his meals with the Crown Prince”, Taeyong offered to test his food for poison, he does so every day, 3 meals a day; except for snacks, which are tasted by whoever is in the room. “Taeyong, tell me, what did you do yesterday? You must’ve been very busy, I didn’t see you at all.” Youngho didn’t see him walking in the hallways or in the library, nor outside his study room, which is typical when he has nothing to do. “Your Highness, I was busy preparing Princess Yuqi’s room, we don’t have long until her arrival, and Emperor Kun gave me extremely detailed instructions on what to have in the room.” “I hope everything is going well, we don’t want the future Queen or her brother to be unhappy. Yesterday, I got a notice that they are already on their way.” Taeyong gives him a toothless smile and Youngho returns it. They finish their food quietly, bid each other goodbye and go about their business.

“What am I doing today, Taeil?” Youngho turns to look at one of his servants, expecting his schedule for the day. Taeil is not a eunuch but he does exactly what Taeyong will be doing with Princess Yuqi: he follows him around and tells him what he has to do for the day, kind of like a secretary. Taeil is very short, kind of skinny, very smart and on top of things. It’s a very good thing he is in charge of Youngho, otherwise, he would be lost not knowing what to do. Taeil was older than him, he recently got married to a girl from the countryside; Youngho enjoyed the ceremony and remembered how in love Taeil looked, his feelings for Taeyong hadn’t been clearer since. 

“His Majesty, your father, has requested to meet with you, he says it’s not urgent but you only have to study for today, you do have that test in a few weeks-” “Therefore, I can definitely meet him today, alright let’s get going.” Youngho interrupts and leads the way to his father’s part of the palace, it’d be his one day. It’s a big palace, took him around 15 minutes to reach his father’s throne and another 5 minutes to be let in. “Father, you requested to see me” Youngho announces after he walked up to the throne and bowed. “Yes, I have an important task for you.” The emperor smiles happily. They have a good relationship, Youngho likes to think. He remembers him always making time to play with and teach him, never once had he thought his father didn’t love him; he was a special man: not greedy, extremely humble, a loving man, he didn’t even like polygamy (the first of his kind), most importantly, he was willing to give up the throne for his son while still alive and healthy. At this point, he didn’t have very long left as Emperor: Princess Yuqi will arrive in a few weeks and the wedding will take place at least two months after, the coronation has been planned to be done simultaneously to it. 

“Your brother is of age and the Emperor of Japan and I have made plans for an alliance through marriage. You are engaged, the only option is Dongyoung. He has many daughters, your job is to choose one of them. It shouldn’t take you very long and I trust you better than I trust myself. It should be someone unproblematic.” He stops and looks expectantly at Youngho. “Your wish is my command.” He smiles, asks to be excused, bows and leaves. Dongyoung and Youngho are very close, they have a bit of an age difference but they have managed to make it work and Dongyoung became very mature from a young age, connecting wasn’t a problem. Youngho knew everything about Dongyoung, the latter probably would as well if the former could speak about his lover. He was very excited to have this much power over his brother’s future, he was already thinking of ways he could torture Donyoung with it. 

He went back to his part of the palace which was also where Dongyoung resided. He went straight to Dongyoung’s room, which he probably was not in, seeing as there was nobody waiting outside. He looked for him in the dining area, he wasn’t there. He asked the kitchen workers where he was, they said he went on his morning walk in the garden. Right! Youngho forgot he took 30-minute walks every morning after breakfast. He went to the library and picked up a book covering the history of Korea, which he had already memorized but Taeil insisted that he studied for the test, which there was no reason to take seeing as Youngho had taken and aced many similar to it before. A good 20 minutes into re-reading the book for the 300th time, Dongyoung made his way into the library. “Brother! What are you doing here so early?” Dongyoung asked looking flustered and extremely clean (don’t ask, he really did). “I have wonderful news for you that just couldn’t wait. Please, take a seat.” Dongyoung did so expectantly, seemingly excited. “You are to be married to a Japanese princess of my choosing.” “My life’s already filled with worries, why must you add another one to my already stressed being!?!” He asked while dramatically throwing his hands up in the air as if asking for God to save him. “Relax, it’s going to be fine, if you’re nice to me for the rest of your life, I will make sure to choose the best wife. Should we, first, take a look at the options or do you want to tell me what you’re looking for?” Dongyoung thought for a little bit, then awkwardly looked at him and sighed. “ I would like her to be pretty, wise, understanding, quiet, family-oriented, kind, polite, loving, a good listener, hard-working...um… good in bed?” Youngho had been reading the profiles and laughed at the last ‘requirement’. “Sorry, that is a little too specific, they’re also all virgins, so that’s impossible. I’m guessing you just want someone to talk to.” Dongyoung nodded and Youngho gestured for him to sit next to him and look at the girls. Out of the bunch, they had liked three of them and now Youngho had to choose. It didn’t really take him long, he made his decision, talked to Dongyoung about it, he approved and Youngho went to his father right after. His father had been pleased by Youngho’s efficiency and said he would make his advisor plan everything else. 

The rest of the day he studied, ate with Taeyong, drank tea with a few other nobles, rode his horse, practiced archery and, at the end of the day, went back to the library and wrote a letter for Taeyong, which he would be giving him tonight. It didn’t say much, just what he needed to say: “We are eternal. - Your lover and enemy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-] 
> 
> I'm looking forward to finishing the story because I want to see how my writing develops and I have already started thinking about my future stories.


	4. Keep me safe from my trouble and pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Back! 
> 
> Ok, I'm still cringing over last chapter's ending and I realize I made that one paragraph really long, sorry about that. 
> 
> Also, YES! Doyoung is finally in the story, he's one of my biases so I just had to. Jeno, Jisung, Doyoung, Kun, and Jaemin are my biases. Jeno (I call him ~Boo~) is my ult, in the future I'll make a story for him. 
> 
> We were on winter break and we had finals like a week after coming back so I couldn't find time to write. But its a new semester, so there is no stressful work to do atm. 
> 
> Also, :-] Congratulations to Chen!!! if you didn't know he's getting married and becoming a father. The news was very sudden but I'm so excited, he and his family deserve the world <3
> 
> Anyway, there's mention of castration and underage sex.

At age 14, Taeyong loses almost everything. 

He stands at the side of the wooden coffin his mother was resting in, with her prettiest light blue dress on and, in her hands, the simplest flowers anyone could’ve picked. She didn’t look well, especially not after months of battling God-knows-what; she looked very skinny, bony, her skin looked very yellow, almost green, her hair had turned all gray, and she had this disturbing look of pain on her face. Taeyong didn’t like seeing his mother like this. 

He remembers her being the most beautiful woman before her illness. Everyone used to always tell him about the many hearts she’d broken, the many men she had charmed. They said her beauty could’ve helped her out of servitude. After she got pregnant with him at 15, it wasn’t going to happen. She loved him more than anyone and anything in the world; there wasn’t a thing she wouldn’t do for Taeyong, the bastard son of the emperor’s advisor who never claimed him as his son: Her world. 

He was asked to say his final goodbyes and then he stared blankly as the monks took the coffin outside, to the hole they had dug out in the ground. He felt tears stream down on his face but forced himself to watch when they finally threw the coffin into the ground and started shoveling the dirt back on. 

He wiped his tears away and left. 

☆☆☆

At age 14, Taeyong had been given 2 choices. He could either stay or leave. 

If he left, he’d move in with his uncle and his family. They lived on a farm very far into the countryside, one that didn’t belong to them. He’d be a peasant, working the fields for the bigger men and paying a fee to be fed and clothed. He’d have his family, maybe even get married and have children of his own. 

If he stayed, he could stay a servant. He’d have all the same benefits, the same work to do. He’d get to see Youngho often and he could also have his own family. But he’d be expendable. 

Taeyong walked along the many paths outside the palace, trying to make a decision. All of a sudden, he’s pulled into a room by one of the palace’s physicians, the man sits him down on a chair as he sits across from him. 

“I know what you want.”- says the physician with an unreadable expression on his face. 

“What do you mean?” Taeyong hesitates, clearly afraid. 

“I know your situation, I know you have to make a choice and I know you’re ambitious, I can see it in your eyes. If what you want is to progress, according to your lineage, the only way to do so is by becoming a eunuch. Now, I have never done the procedure on humans before, but I would be delighted to do it for you.” The man says rather quickly and excitedly as if he was sure he would say yes. 

“What would you gain from this?”

“Experience…, knowledge..., pleasure. At least think about it, can you make a decision by Tuesday afternoon? I’ll be waiting for you, if you come I’ll do it, if you don’t I’ll leave you alone.” Taeyong nods and leaves.

☆☆☆ 

“What do you think I should do?” Taeyong asks when he meets Youngho for one of their daily talks in the afternoon. Taeyong had laid out his options for Youngho to get an idea and help him make a choice. 

“Realistically, I think leaving will be better for you but I want you to stay; I can’t ask you to do that for me, though. If you do end up staying, don’t cut your dick off! Please!” Youngho says with a bittersweet look on his face, this makes Taeyong laugh a little. 

“I don’t think it’d be that bad, I’ve never used my dick for anything other than just peeing and I don’t really mind if I end up single and childless for the rest of my life.”

“You say that now but what if you change your mind in the future? It’s irreversible, Taeyong. You’d be sexually frustrated for the rest of your life and everybody knows eunuchs outlive everybody.” It’s well known around the country that eunuchs live really long lives, much longer than the emperors they serve, at least.

Taeyong snorts, Youngho smiles. “What do you know about pleasure anyway, last time I checked you were still a virgin.”

“You know I just haven’t found the right girl and I’m 14, plus I’m getting married, so it’d be quite noble of me to wait until marriage.”

“I find that funny considering she hasn’t even been conceived yet.” Taeyong sighs and Youngho grins.

“I swear Tae, you always sound so jealous whenever I mention her, it’s like she hasn’t been born yet and you already hate her-”

“-with a passion” interrupts Taeyong as he gets up from the floor and jumps onto the bed inside the empty room. It’s very uncomfortable, dirty and old but it’s better than the floor. Youngho follows him and lies on the mattress pretty far from Taeyong. 

“Do you really want me to go?” Taeyong says after a while as he stares at the ceiling and plays with his own hair.

“I think it’s best if you do.” He sighs. “Even though you don’t know each other well, I think they will love you; besides, there is nothing for you here.”

“You're here.” He looks up at Youngho and finds him already smiling and looking back, he winks and Taeyong playfully gags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write more but you guys have been waiting for like a month so I'll just keep it for the future.


	5. Reality is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. 
> 
> So school has been canceled and I've not gone out of my house in two weeks. I'm in quarantine and am well. 
> 
> Yes, I will be writing much more as I have time, now. And I've been thinking of writing a noremin one shot. 
> 
> School is supposed to start again next week but it's not gonna be as demanding as it was. 
> 
> Stay safe and make sure to clean and cover yourselves very well if you go out. 
> 
> Also, NEOZONE IS THE BEST ALBUM I LOVE IT SO MUCH. My favorite songs are: day dream, boom, white night, mad dog, and sit down. I'm so obsessed with the aesthetic, I actually purchased two versions, which i've only done with Obsession by Exo. My N ver. came with a Taeil pc and a Jungwoo circle card, i'm still waiting for my T ver. to arrive.

**_Taeyong, you smell so good! Your skin is so soft, you’re so pretty, you’re so glorious! I want to be with you forever. Let me be here, let me stay._ ** Youngho should stop thinking about him, about the nights they spend together.  **_When I’m with you it’s almost as if I had everything._ ** He had other matters to pay attention to, like the fact that his betrothed was here.  _**You make me feel free.** _

She’s here. In her room, probably chatting with Taeyong, getting to know the eunuch that will be hers for the rest of their lives. Youngho hasn’t seen her yet, she insisted he didn’t as she felt she needed to get a feel of the place and rest beforehand. 

“Prince Youngho, are you feeling alright?” Emperor Kun worriedly asks when he didn’t answer his question. 

“Ah yes, forgive me, your majesty, I guess I'm a little nervous” He offers a fake apologetic smile which is returned by a genuinely excited one.

“I’m glad you’re excited to marry her, she’s  **_glorious_ ** . She’s beautiful, clever, generous, and just wonderful. You’ll fall for her in no time!” 

“I have no doubt in my mind!” Youngho puts on his best smile and changes the subject, “I heard Empress Shuhua could not make it, is everything going well?”

“Why yes, we are expecting and she’s pretty close to the due date; in fact, I’ll be leaving as soon as you and Yuqi are married, according to the physicians, the baby is coming in January” the emperor smiles overwhelmingly bright, it sort of takes Youngho aback.

“Well, congratulations! I hope Princess Yuqi and I are lucky enough to get pregnant as fast as you!” Kun blushes as he looks at the floor and continues smiling. 

“All the women in our family are extremely fertile, I’m sure you will have no problem!” At that moment, Dongyoung enters the room. He bows to the emperor and both Kun and Youngho stand. 

“Emperor Kun, it is wonderful to finally meet you. I'm Prince Dongyoung, Prince Youngho’s younger brother, I’m at your service.” He says as he continues to bow, Kun smiles at him and motions for him to stand.

“Thank you, Dongyoung, I appreciate your warm welcome!” They all take a seat on the floor cushions placed around a snack table, which has tea and Youngho’s favorite cookies on it. 

“It is great you’re here, brother, why don’t you tell His Majesty all about your fiance?” Dongyoung gives him a death stare, as Kun, once again, smiles brightly. 

“Oh- well she is Japanese, the 9th daughter of Emperor Yuta; Her name is Princess Hina; she likes to paint, she’s very talented and she says she will draw me a portrait once we meet; she also speaks many languages including Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Thai,— Yes that is pretty much all I know about her.” 

“She sounds interesting! I hope you two have a fruitful marriage!” Kun says with, yet another, annoyingly big smile. Dongyoung smiles back awkwardly and thanks him. 

After a second of awkward smiles and silence, the Emperor of Korea walks in. They all immediately stand, allowing Kun to greet him first. Kun respectfully bows to him but their father, Emperor Minseok, motions for him to stand. Minseok looks him in the eyes and grabs a hold of his shoulder affectionately. 

“You’ve grown so much! Last time I saw you, you were just a young man, look at you now! How old are you, again?” Kun, who hasn’t stopped smiling, gives him a friendly smile and indicates he’s now 38 years old, a year younger than both Taeyong and Youngho. The older emperor acknowledges his sons’ presence before motioning for the younger to follow him. Dongyoung and Youngho stay behind, going back to sit at the snack table. 

As they’re walking out, Minseok turns around and waits for his sons’ attention. Two minutes later they realize their father is still there and they stand at once. They bow to him, awaiting his departure from the room, when he says, “By the way, Youngho, your wedding, and coronation will take place in a week.” 

At this, Youngho looks up with shock evident on his face. He looks at his father, who has a big gummy smile on his face. “Father, I do not understand. Preparations have not started and people won’t be able to arrive by the date.”

“Son, I did everything months ago, do not worry yourself about it. I can’t stand one more second in this palace!” He grabs Kun’s arm and leaves without hesitation.

Minseok is a great emperor. He cares about his people, always makes careful decisions, always works for the betterment of the country. People do not suffer as much under his empire. They do not have wars, extreme poverty, out-of-control illnesses. Everybody loves him. Minseok is a great emperor that absolutely despises being one. 

☆☆☆

“Can you tell me about him?” 

Princess Yuqi is sitting on her new bed, looking around the room, fascinated at how different it was from her room back in China. This room was more mature, she did not have any of her old things, like toys from her childhood; it was unfamiliar and cold: it didn’t quite feel like home yet. Taeyong is unpacking her things, placing them where he deems appropriate. 

“What do you wish to know?” Taeyong continues carrying her clothes to her wardrobe. She insisted only Taeyong helped her because she wanted to become closer to him. 

“Well,...um… Is he a philanderer?” It really doesn’t take him long to think of an answer, though the memory of the night before resurfaces in his mind. **_I want you, I am yours forever._**

“No, Your Highness, as far as I know, he has never touched a woman in a sexual manner nor has he courted anyone.” She sighs in relief. **_I want you to stay in me forever._**

“What does he like to do in his free time?” She looks at him expectantly. **_Youngho, please, touch me. Don't tease me, please fill me up._**

“Well, he enjoys hunting, playing piano, and hanging out with Prince Dongyoung. You’ll find out more about him as you get to know him.” She suddenly looks revived at the mention of the younger Prince. 

“I’ve heard much about Prince Dongyoung, it seems he’s not as secretive as my betrothed. He appears to be very popular with women.” 

“I assure you Prince Youngho is not as mysterious and quiet as they say, he can be quite outgoing and lively once you earn his trust. As for Prince Dongyoung, he’s much more reserved than he’s given credit, and now that he’s engaged, he doesn’t dare talk to other women flirtatiously.” Taeyong goes off as he finishes organizing the last few items the princess brought with her.  **_I want everyone to hear how good you're making me feel._ **

“I apologize, as a noble, I should know better than to believe rumors.”

“Do not apologize, Your Highness, you’re still very young and impressionable. It’s only natural that young ladies such as you believe in whatever they hear. You’ll learn in time that people, more often than not, lie.” He explains rather coldly, “Do you have any more questions, Your Highness?” He looks up at her and smiles. **_You_ _have to go now._**

She returns it innocently, just as optimistic as her brother. “No, I think I’ll just rest for now, thank you.”

“It’s no problem. If you’ll excuse me” He walks backward towards her door as he bows respectfully. 

“Oh- wait , can you please call me Yuqi? I would like for us to be friends.” 

“Of course, Yuqi, anything you want.” He exits and his face falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it, even though it's one of my longest chapters I feel like it's too short but then again I did not want to overwhelm y'all. And yes I went there, love talk is a masterpiece and yes I'm aware the lyrics are "feel me up" but fill me up was more appropriate tbh ;-}
> 
> Stay safe and healthy!!! Thank you for reading. <3


	6. Can't you just see it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do be procrastinating :/ anyway here it is sorry for making yall wait but I literally just procrastinate a lot. 
> 
> Congrats Dreamies on Ridin first win!! literally streamed and voted every day, I'm very proud of the boys and myself. Also, my favorite songs are quiet down and love again. Favorite part of Ridin was definitely the dance when they go "Ridin and rolling oh baby reloading", it's so smooth and my baby Jisung slays. 
> 
> Off topic^^^
> 
> Anyway, this took me like 3 weeks and it looks like the story really gonna be long long fr. At this point, it's just slowburn cause we're still kinda in the introduction.

Taeyong’s life had changed drastically after becoming a eunuch: He had to actually study, learn the same things scholars and nobles did; he had to learn how to assist nobles in any situation, from cleaning after them to advising them; he had to learn basic self-defense and personal hygiene. Most importantly, he had to learn to live in his new body, without a penis or testicles; he had to learn how to control his sexual frustration, how to control his desire, not that he had ever felt that way anyway: That part was fairly easy. See, something Taeyong had never told anyone ever: he had never been horny, never had a wet dream, he’d never felt any lust whatsoever. He did get his “manhood” taken from him at 14, quite young but having started puberty, his body going through changes that would bring him to sexual maturity. Hormones produced during puberty often drive people to insane sexual need, but that really just wasn’t it for Taeyong. He’d tried touching himself but it was futile as he’d remain flaccid, no woman had ever made him feel tingly or shy or butterflies in his stomach or made his heart do somersaults. That was part of the reason why he decided to actually become a eunuch. 

At 17, he regrets it. 

Youngho had grown so tall, he’d gotten so strong, the man was huge at just 17. Taeyong couldn’t help but feel sort of jealous, they had a huge size difference. He sometimes wanted to be like him, have everyone swoon after him, be it because of his looks, his smarts, his humor, his aura. Youngho was just THE perfect prince. Taeyong wanted to be that. 

“What?” Youngho smirks at Taeyong from the floor, where he is sitting playing with his clothes. 

Taeyong, sitting on the edge of the bed, snaps out of his trance. “Was I staring? Sorry” 

“Na, you’re good. But like is something bothering you? I noticed you’ve been spacing out a lot.” Taeyong hesitantly shakes his head and Youngho stands up, walks over to him, kneels in front of him, takes his hands in his, and smiles at him. “You know you can tell me anything…”

“I know. I just...it’s just something that I can’t change and it’s stupid. I'll get over it.” Youngho sighs heavily, stands, and sits next to him. 

“Well, I do have something to tell you.” Taeyong quirks an eyebrow and Youngho smirks. 

“But first, I realize you’ve never shown me your private parts-” Taeyong snorts.

“Why the fuck would you want to see that?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’m curious. I just want to see how it all works, how you pee and...yeah… show me, please. Sorry, I just really want to see.” He laughs nervously and Taeyong contemplates whether he should for a while. He stands up, acts as if he’s about to take his robes off but then just sticks his tongue out and runs away. 

Youngho smiles widely and remains quietly staring at the floor as he shakes his head. He quickly follows after him, suddenly remembering he had something to tell him. 

“Wait! I still have to tell you something!” 

They’re in a part of the palace that is usually empty, and it’s supposed to house concubines; Hundreds of them used to live here, but his grandfather had died an old man many years before he was even born; Many of these women were then vanished from the palace, Emperor Minseok wasn’t too keen on having them remain close to him as they had made his life and rise to power very challenging, they had also contributed to his mother’s depression and low self-esteem. He decided to kick them out and left the “Frontier”, as they call it, empty. 

Nobody was actually allowed here, Taeyong and him wound up here from time to time but they didn’t come often. 

Taeyong stops at the mention of Youngho’s need to talk. He turns around to face the running prince, he stops abruptly and scrambles to catch his breath. 

“So?” Taeyong smirks at him and places his hands on his hips. 

“I need a minute-” Taeyong rolls his eyes while Youngho slowly regains composure. 

“Ok, so it’s actually kind of important.” Youngho suddenly gets serious, Taeyong puts on a concerned face and walks up to him taking his hand in his. Youngho just smiles. 

“You’re so soft-” he says making Taeyong playfully glare at him. 

“Tell me~”   
“Ok ok. So...my mom is pregnant...and she didn’t want me to tell anyone, but I feel like she needs someone’s help, she can’t just go through this by herself; Also, I’m pretty clueless when it comes to this so I won’t be of much help but I know you’ve been trained to handle all kinds of things, so if you could, maybe, help her? that’d be fantastic!” 

Taeyong nods reassuringly, “Yes, of course! I’ll approach her as soon as I can.”

Youngho looked at him relieved, then he dragged him by the hand to a pool located in the middle of the “Frontier”. The middle of the “Frontier” was like this huge green area, there were trees and shrubs everywhere, it was kept clean in the past. Right in the middle, the natural pool was located, it was more like a pond but they called it a pool because it was sometimes used for baths. Now the water was murky, plants overtook the whole space, the paths, the buildings and there were even algae blooms on the water. 

Youngho took everything off and set his clothes on the floor. “Let’s go for a swim!” Taeyong was stunned. In the many years being friends they had definitely seen each other naked but now he’s, well, grown. He gulps. Then he laughs. 

“You just want to see me naked” Youngho smiles invitingly, already in the water, “So what if I do?” 

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “What is this obsession, your Highness?” 

“Why don’t you come find out?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have one more month of school and then I'm free to write any time, hopefully I'll be able to finish the story before my senior year starts. 
> 
> Also, pray for me cause AP Exams start next week :'-]]]]]]]]]
> 
> Thank you for reading and waiting!


	7. Take this dream away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello 😭 I had this written since June and I was writing more but I’ve started school and a lot of things going on in my social life 😔✋
> 
> Also, I changed my username cause I realized a lot of my twt moots know me by my old name and I don't want them to find this account, It's embarrassing 😖 and yes new pfp 🤩 also follow my insta @lilnctzen_nrm

Taeyong opens his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light coming through the window. He feels Youngho’s warm body under him, his head on his chest, his heartbeat slow and steady. He feels sore from the night before, Youngho was mad at Princess Yuqi’s arrival and he’d decided to take it out on him; not that he was complaining, for some reason he’d liked it rough. Still, he doesn’t make a sound and doesn’t move, his eyes trail up and down Youngho’s naked body, a small smile makes its way onto his face. Just a little peace and quiet before they have to go back and pretend they’re only friends.

  
  
  
  


The next few days go by quickly, everyday like the other. Lots of planning, lots of stress, lots of Emperor Minseok making retirement plans, lots of Youngho letting of steam through sex, lots of Taeyong just taking it. That is all he’s learned to do. To just take whatever he’s given, after all, he hasn’t much of a choice. 

Princess Yuqi is actually a great person, Taeyong learns. It makes him feel bad for his initial animosity with regards to her presence. She’s very sweet and innocent, and so optimistic. She actually makes and effort to get to her servants and is nice to all of them.  _ She probably doesn’t know what’s coming _ , he thinks as he spaces out while overseeing wedding preparations. The wedding is the next day and everything looks to be going smoothly; though, he wishes it didn’t.

Sometimes he wonders what life would’ve been like if they’d ran away. He concludes, they would’ve been happier, because they could’ve been together in the open: no hiding, no fear, no pain; only love, only happiness. But there’s no use dwelling in what could’ve been. 

“Taeil, dear friend, we must have a good rest today, as tomorrow will be a very long day.” He says as he snaps out of his trance and sees Taeil right in front of him. 

“Ah! Yes! A very exciting day, indeed, I remember when Sunyoung and I got married…” he trails off, and Taeyong’s mind begins to wonder.

He remembers Taeil and Sunyoung standing on the altar, looking into each other’s glowing eyes. She wore the traditional red hanbok and he wore the blue. Honestly their wedding wasn’t anything too extravagant or big or different but their love for each other is so strong nothing else really mattered. So Taeyong wonders—as he remembers himself sitting on the floor looking up at the couple and occasionally looking at Youngho’s reactions from the corner of his eye—what their wedding would’ve looked like.  _ Would I wear red? He looks so much better in blue, I wouldn’t mind. Would anyone even be invited? Surely Taeil would’ve had no problem with our relationship, maybe Dongyoung wouldn’t really care much either. What about my family? I barely keep in contact with them...I vaguely remember Yoonoh…it doesn’t matter anyway… _

“Taeyong” Taeil loudly calls with a sympathetic smile, a pitiful look on his face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He starts feeling a little hurt and feels his eyes getting heavy as they water.

“Like what…?” 

“Like you feel sorry...you think no woman would marry me cause I lack a dick; you think I have no one, that aside from you and Youngho, I’m alone; you think that I regret my decision; you think I made a mistake, that I should’ve gone with my peasant family instead of staying-”

Taeil cuts him off with an awkward laugh, “my bad, I- I didn’t realize I was making a face.” 

“It’s ok” Taeil’s never been good at dealing with emotions, he understands he made the situation awkward by just going off on him. He’s been more sensitive lately. He, then, leaves.

  
  
  
  


Youngho stares blankly at the ceiling of his room, his mind is full, his heart is racing: he’s getting married in a few hours, he’s also becoming the emperor of Korea. So much will be dropped on him on that dreaded day. He used to look forward to it, now, he doesn’t want tonight to end.

He’s supposed to be well rested but how can he sleep when he knows his life will change so much so he doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to sleep well in the years to come.

He feels defeated...the pressure on him is tremendous and nothing has even started yet. 

_ This is a bad sign... _ he thinks as he sits up on the bed and lets tears roll down his eyes.

_ I need Taeyong _

He sneaks into his room.

Taeyong is sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. It makes Youngho smile. They really are made for each other. Taeyong looks over as he hears him enter the room. He smiles and gets up to hug him immediately.

“I missed you” he smiles as he pulls away, Youngho returns it warmly and pulls him in for a soft kiss.

“I knew you’d come” Taeyong whispers as he looks into his eyes, he looks spent: eyes red, swollen, bags under his eyes. He figures he must look the same.

“I hate that I can’t see you often, not even when we have meals anymore.” 

“You need to spend time with Princess Yuqi, she’s your wife-”

“She’s not.”

“She will be.”

“But she isn’t-”

“-TOMORROW SHE WILL BE.” They both grow quiet.

“I’ll still be yours.”  _ Yeah,  _ Taeyong thinks,  _ sure.  _

They move over to the bed and cuddle quietly for a while. 

“I can’t believe I’ve never suggested this before but...what if...we ran-” Youngho begins, as they hold each other.

“-don’t finish that thought” Taeyong cuts him off. “There’s no use.” He thinks about that every day, every time he’s free and his mind wonders. 

“Shut up...let’s just stay like this for a while, yes?” 

“Yeah…” Youngho sighs.

Next to Taeyong, he sleeps like a baby.

  
  


Youngho opens his eyes slowly as Taeyong shakes him awake. 

“Wake up, you need to go.” Taeyong looks really tired, Youngho gives him a sympathetic smile and gets up.

“I hope I’ll be able to see you today.”

“I don’t think you will, honestly, I feel like just hiding here and not going out until you’re done with the whole thing, but I’m part of the bride’s court.” 

“I would love to see you there, though, I think it’d bring me peace. Maybe if I see you there I could picture us getting married instead.” He laughs. Taeyong rolls his eyes and pushes him out the window. 

“Good luck, today!” Taeyong smiles as he closes the window in his face and hurries out the door. He smiles as he hears a faint “I love you”. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Stay safe and always wear a mask.


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